Adult Costumes #4: Is there a (love) doctor in the house?

You've all seen a sexy nurse costume before. You've seen someone wear surgery scrubs and a mask before. But have you ever seen anyone wear any of these next amazing medical get-ups before? The beauty of the "funny" doctor costumes is that they are basically as subtle as adult costumes get. And by subtle, I mean there aren't any fake appendages dangling down or, you know, any sort of stupid meter on them. Though they are merely just white lab coats with a little logo, they still pack a walloping punch of prescription strength hilarity.

Because these costumes are so subtle, the entire joke lies in the insignia, which is probably too tiny to read in these pictures. So, bear with me here.

Without further ado, let me introduce you to the dreamy cast of the hottest medical drama on television right now: GENERAL MALPRACTICE. (har har har)

The #1 sexiest plastic surgeon in town, Dr. Tucker Fadden:


Everyone's favorite proctologist with malformed hands, Dr. Ben Dover!

Novelty large finger included!

His proctology arch nemesis, Dr. Harry Fingerman:


The dreamy new oral surgeon, Dr. Kenny Lingus:


Of course, the General Malpractice Hospital is world renowned for its gynecology department. Featuring an all-star lineup:

Dr. Howie Feltersnatch (NO JOKE):

Also known as that sketchy guy who went to high school for 5-6 years and owned a Camaro.

Dr. Seymour Bush:

He is probably the last person I want checking out my hoo-ha. Is he like Tom Arnold's cousin or something??

Dr. Willy Phister:

Umm...I don't even know what to say.

They care so much about women's health that they offer free mammograms!


I know what you're thinking, where are the ladies? How can there be any sexual tension on this show? Well, I'm not including all 500 sexy nurses that work there because that would take me ALL DAY, but I will include a few lady doctors. Oh, and they're not real doctors, they're sex therapists. Same diff.

Dr. Ophelia Cummings:


And her sexy, yet less professionally dressed, partner Dr. Anita Vibrata.


Oh wait, my bad, there is a female urologist. Get this: Dr. Juanna Hummer.


Steamy! Will Dr. Phister ever seal the deal with Dr. Hummer? Will Dr. Feltersnatch ever win back Dr. Vibrata?? Someone kill me now.

Also, I don't even know what to say about this next one, so I'll let it speak for itself.


Happy Halloween!
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Adult Costumes #3: Boooiiiinnnnggg!!

If you weren't sure what that title means, it's the sound a totally hilarious BONER makes! Also known as SCHWING! Or, if you're Ham Poe circa 2005, BIFF! So, for the next installment of this "funny" adult costumes series, I'm going to show you some of my favorite HILARIOUS dick/oral sex/dude joke costumes. Excellent!

Without further ado, bra, here's one for the sports fans out there:

Ahahahaha... Yankthese! It also kinda looks like he has a small child's butt in his pants. Hot! Come to think of it, is having grossly disproportionate balls something to be proud of??


Here we have something for the guy who doesn't want to wear a head-to-toe costume, but wants to make a statement about his girth none the less.

HUNG LIKE A HORSE! I find this to be one of the scariest costumes I've ever seen. He looks less endowed, more "OMG WHY DO YOU HAVE A SEVERED HORSE HEAD IN A NOOSE? YOU ARE DISGUSTING!"

Another one for the guy who doesn't want to be too showy or obvious.

See, I bet when you first read his shirt you were like "Hey, gross! I don't want to touch your penis." But then you saw the monkey on his shoulder and you were like "Oh, ha! For a second there I thought you were being really tacky and pervy, but you actually DO have a monkey!"

This next one is so terrifying. What girl wants to be with a guy who has bionic, evil-looking sperm?? That's the last thing I would want right now.


Oh, phew! Thank goodness Super Sperm's arch enemy also came to the party - CAPTAIN CONDOM!


These next few gems are of a category I like to call "Get it? It's my PENIS!" There's lots of fun varieties upon this theme.

Like, the Snake Charmer:


Or for the gamers out there, the Snake arcade game!

Get it?? JOYSTICK?! Oh man, dude, you're the man! Dude!

These next two guys just want to sell you a delicious treat.




Hey, wait a second! That's not what I wanted at all! Oh well, CHOMP! (AHHH@@#$&%!!!!)

Now this next one is a great two-for-one combo: weed reference AND a blow-job joke all rolled into one! For the guy who was torn between dressing up as a Rastafarian or a Dick-in-a-Box, let me introduce you to BONG KING!


Along those same lines, here's a good middle ground between beer and BJ.

Hey, ladies, he's just trying to make sure you don't drive home drunk! Guys too, line up! The meter at the top goes from "Boring" to "Life of the Party" to "Sotally Tober"!

Ok, I could go on for days with this category.. seriously, the possibilities are ENDLESS! However, I'm going to end with what may be the Rolls Royce of tacky, tasteless dude costumes: THE SHOCKER.

Who gave the green light on this idea? I am dying to meet the poor soul who had to design this.
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Adult Costumes #2: Sag, Flap, and Roll

So, I'm back again with some of my favorite "funny" adult costumes available this year from the Interwebz. Today's subset is one that I find particularly ridiculous (not to mention, you know, kinda awful on principle) - ugly, old, and obese women. Now, you might think: "Really? Are there that many costumes like that?" And the answer would be yes, sadly, there are, because there is nothing more frightening (or hilarious, right guys?? *HIGHFIVE*) than a woman with saggy breasts.

So, to kick things off, here we have a classy ensemble entitled "G-string Gina"


She's a saucy number, right? The thing I love most about that picture though is that it kinda looks like a cartoon frog - pasties for eyes, g-string for mouth. See it??


Here's another good one, extra style points for leaving the goatee intact!


It's funny because cheerleaders are usually SKINNY, guys! Get it?? OMGLOL!!

Yet again, Chad here opted to leave his beard intact for this tropical number:


I bet you already knew that this get-up was called "Anita Lei" didn't you?

Here's one of my favorites, "Droopers" the saggy beer & wing wench.


Oh, you silly old skank! You forgot your bra! Whoops! I bet she's embarassed.

The next two derive their hilarity from their titles, like so many of these adult costumes do.

"Anita Waxin"


And "Camille Toe"


Moving right along, we've come now to the scariest category of them all: OLD LADIES!

This "Groping Granny" outfit comes complete with support hose! Gotta love the attention to detail.


This "Trailer Park Mother-in-Law" ensemble is sure to scare any penis into fleeing the country.


Here's my personal worst nightmare: "The Crazy Cat Lady"


Come to think of it.. I did just adopt two kittens last weekend. And the other day I forgot to change out of my slippers when I walked down the block to pick up my sesame chicken at Lucky Dragon. Alone. SHIT!

Well, whatever. I've saved the best, and my personal favorite, for last. I was totally shocked when I saw this next costume for sale. Dave, I know you'll be with me on this.



You know that a single panel joke has reached its zenith when someone decides to turn it into a $40 foam costume.



And a television ad...

Fat Woman Lost Dog -

So, remember folks, when you see an old or overweight women on the street this week, don't run away screaming! It's just some Chad/Brad/Derek/douchebag in a costume, picking up a 30 rack on his way to Sigma Kappa Crappa or pre-gaming the costume contest at Banana Joe's.

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Adult Costumes: The Haute Couture of Puns

I love Halloween for many reasons - free candy, pets in costumes, adorable babies in costumes gnawing on free candy... ok, that's about it. But the thing I love most about Halloween is the vast assortment of "adult" costumes that the glorious Internet has to offer this time of year. Yes, we've all seen the run-of-the-mill sexy nurse, scary clown (or anything), and Captain Jack Sparrow costumes at our local mall or, if you're in NYC, the Halloween Express (or whatever it's called) that's on every corner right now. But the get-ups I'm talking about are the cream of the crop in adult costumes: the "humor" category, also known as "funny" adult costumes.

Now, when I say "funny", what I really mean is elaborate visual representations of very common gags, puns, sayings, or slang terms that "adults" would find funny. And because these are adult costumes, they're often racy or profane!

This week I'm going to post about some of my favorite subsets of the "funny adult costume" world, starting with my personal favorite: poop jokes.



You've got your "bull shit"


And the always funny "tough shit"


And for the ladies in the house, "holy shit"


OMG! Brad dressed as "CHICKEN SHIT"!! Can you believe it??? Brad, you so crazy.


You mean there's more of these? What a "crock of shit"!


You mean people actually pay $40+ for these things?? No shit?!?


And, its brainy cousin, "No shit Sherlock"


For the sexy people, you know what I'm talking about.. HOT SHIT!


This one is a little more abstract, so you might have a hard time with it - it's only for advanced pun costume wearers. Ladies and gentlemen, the poo-poo platter.


And finally, my personal favorite interpretation, "when shit hits the fan"



That's 10, count 'em, 10 shit costumes from one website! I'm sure if I searched the Internet a little more, I could find even more amazing variations. Shit costumes are like snowflakes, people. Actually.. no, they're not, at all... they come from a very limited pool of gags. (THANK GOD) I mean, how many other variants are there? Horse shit? Shit storm? Shit head? Shit for brains??

So, I leave you today with this question: who is the real shit in this situation? The Brads and Dereks who actually buy these foam turd costumes, or those poor fools who thought they were going to launch their career by modeling Halloween costumes?

(Oh, and if any of you wanted to rustle up a bunch of your friends to go to that Halloween kegger as a group of shits, then you better order now!)
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BEST. UPDATE. EVER.

Thank goodness for the Internet. More renditions of the best still ever.





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BEST. STILL. EVER.

Clearly McCain can't resist Obama's red-hot booty. Doesn't he look just like the Tex Avery wolf?? AH-OOOOGA, indeed! It's true, Obama does have it going on. I also noticed that Facebook's ad space is working hard to hit that key "I'm-voting-for-Obama-because-he's-a-hottie" demo.



EDIT: I'm so happy people who know how to use Photoshop love this still too!







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