Adult Costumes: The Haute Couture of Puns

I love Halloween for many reasons - free candy, pets in costumes, adorable babies in costumes gnawing on free candy... ok, that's about it. But the thing I love most about Halloween is the vast assortment of "adult" costumes that the glorious Internet has to offer this time of year. Yes, we've all seen the run-of-the-mill sexy nurse, scary clown (or anything), and Captain Jack Sparrow costumes at our local mall or, if you're in NYC, the Halloween Express (or whatever it's called) that's on every corner right now. But the get-ups I'm talking about are the cream of the crop in adult costumes: the "humor" category, also known as "funny" adult costumes.

Now, when I say "funny", what I really mean is elaborate visual representations of very common gags, puns, sayings, or slang terms that "adults" would find funny. And because these are adult costumes, they're often racy or profane!

This week I'm going to post about some of my favorite subsets of the "funny adult costume" world, starting with my personal favorite: poop jokes.



You've got your "bull shit"


And the always funny "tough shit"


And for the ladies in the house, "holy shit"


OMG! Brad dressed as "CHICKEN SHIT"!! Can you believe it??? Brad, you so crazy.


You mean there's more of these? What a "crock of shit"!


You mean people actually pay $40+ for these things?? No shit?!?


And, its brainy cousin, "No shit Sherlock"


For the sexy people, you know what I'm talking about.. HOT SHIT!


This one is a little more abstract, so you might have a hard time with it - it's only for advanced pun costume wearers. Ladies and gentlemen, the poo-poo platter.


And finally, my personal favorite interpretation, "when shit hits the fan"



That's 10, count 'em, 10 shit costumes from one website! I'm sure if I searched the Internet a little more, I could find even more amazing variations. Shit costumes are like snowflakes, people. Actually.. no, they're not, at all... they come from a very limited pool of gags. (THANK GOD) I mean, how many other variants are there? Horse shit? Shit storm? Shit head? Shit for brains??

So, I leave you today with this question: who is the real shit in this situation? The Brads and Dereks who actually buy these foam turd costumes, or those poor fools who thought they were going to launch their career by modeling Halloween costumes?

(Oh, and if any of you wanted to rustle up a bunch of your friends to go to that Halloween kegger as a group of shits, then you better order now!)
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BEST. UPDATE. EVER.

Thank goodness for the Internet. More renditions of the best still ever.





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BEST. STILL. EVER.

Clearly McCain can't resist Obama's red-hot booty. Doesn't he look just like the Tex Avery wolf?? AH-OOOOGA, indeed! It's true, Obama does have it going on. I also noticed that Facebook's ad space is working hard to hit that key "I'm-voting-for-Obama-because-he's-a-hottie" demo.



EDIT: I'm so happy people who know how to use Photoshop love this still too!







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Charley Says you must be out of your tiny little mind to go near that water.

I signed up for this blog probably two years ago, but never wrote anything in it. I’m going to try and do something on the Internet other than watch countless hours of YouTube videos – that is, I will watch them and then share them with friends. It’s so much harder to share and find new things when you don’t live in a house with all of your closest friends! This is like my virtual Fels living room laptop (big ups: Diggy, Webster, Chris Dunne, anyone else who left their computer in the living room often). Or, you know, I’ll use this blog for whatever else I’m doing. If you consider my still being in Bennington a travel blog, then here are my adventures! What is a blog for anyway? Whatevs, I guess I’m on the blogwagon.

I saw today via BoingBoing this great collection of scary British television PSAs from the 70’s. I am really obsessed with old American PSAs (remember any of these?), but I had never seen any from our friends across the pond. Apparently water is a huge threat over there – best shown through water’s portrayal in one of the PSAs as a hooded undertaker who is trying to steal children from river banks and tree branches.





I remember a lot of PSAs and school safety seminars from way back when, but I don’t know if I’ve ever seen many about swimming. I grew up swimming from a very early age, so I guess it wasn’t necessary? Anyway, here are a few more amazing swimming PSAs:

1973 Learn to Swim – not only does learning how to swim keep you safe, it also helps you keep your birds (or babes, in American English).


Here’s another Learning to Swim video from the 70s. This one stars Rolf Harris, who according to the Internet is an Australian musician, singer, composer, painter, and television host. So, he’s like, the Regis Philbin-Bob Ross-Rod Stewart hybrid of the UK. I wonder if he’s still recognizable over there…Dave, any Rolf Harris on TV?



Is it weird that I think he’s kinda cute?

Here’s some other hunky British celebs (that I’ve never heard of) teaching kids to be safe:

Kevin Keegan, the David Beckham of yore.



Alvin Stardust, born Bernard William Jewry, an Elvis Presley worshipping glam rock singer, tells this team of unsafe children “Hey! You must be out of your tiny minds.”



Also, here’s a link to a video of Alvin’s hit single “My Coo Ca Choo” from 1973.

I kept poking around for more British PSAs because they are (a) amazing and (b) teaching me so much about British culture- I feel like I know what my contemporaries in England might be reminiscing about while stoned or eating lunch at college. For example: because of their fondness for tea, the British must teach their children not to play around hot teapots because horrible things could happen to your adorable pet if you’re not careful.



This comes from a larger series called “Charley Says” that is really great. These PSAs follow a little boy and his pet cat, Charley, as they play around the house and come across many dangerous household things (matches, tea pots, the stove, etc.) Charley is this partly anthropomorphous, Jiminy Cricket-esque cat who guides the pre-common sense kid around the dangerous world of British living by making crazy faces and really weird cat sounds that could also be a mix of random cartoon sound effects. I also really dig the cutout style.





My personal favorite is the one about strangers, because it really reminds me of Dennis Hopper’s The Spreading Ground from 2002. I remember watching this in Christina’s room with Dave and Tanner after someone got it for free from a Sam Goody or Best Buy (is this where it came from? I can’t remember anymore!) Puppy scams are used as bait in both.



Apparently the trailer for The Spreading Ground doesn’t even merit a spot on YouTube, but I found a link for it here.

Oh, and of course, Charley teaches you how to keep safe from Britain’s number one threat: puddles.



Ok, that’s enough for now. I feel sufficiently educated and am ready to face the dangers of being a 22 year-old college grad in an apartment with little supervision and too many faucets.

Also, in case these videos were too scary for you, here are some treats.
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